Why You Shouldn't Let Your Child Anywhere Near Dolls

Oct 26, 2021 5:00 PM EDT

Hey dudes, what's hangin'? Just your friendly neighborhood exorcism priest here to give you a little parenting advice! I'm celibate, so I'm not a parent myself, but I am a child of the Lord. So I know a thing or two about child rearing. You may not know that today, October 25, is the official commemoration of Chucky, The Notorious Killer Doll. (Yes, this horrific character has his very own holiday, for some reason?) So in seasonal spirit, I want to give you the BEST piece of advice you'll get all year: AVOID DOLLS AT ALL COSTS. I'm serious, I don't care how much your child loves them. Dolls are evil creatures inside creepy manmade bodies--an affront to His Holiness if ever there was one. Here's why you should just get your kid some play-do or something instead. Please. I'm literally begging you.

01
They are NOT people

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02
Unrealistic beauty standards

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03
All dolls are haunted

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04
They see your kid naked

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05
Where do dolls even come from?

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06
They're not even a good toy

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